You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
