"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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