dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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