Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
