its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
