when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
