Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
