moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
