I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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