I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
