I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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