and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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