I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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