She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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