Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize