btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
