I need help removing her.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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