I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
