Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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