I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
