if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
