I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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