Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
