They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize