And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
