I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
