My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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