sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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