I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize