But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
