I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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