U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
