There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize