We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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