I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
