ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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