I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
