the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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