he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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