Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
