We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
