So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
