well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
