Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
