Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
