I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
