Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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