so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
