The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
