The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
