Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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