If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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