this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
