I am spending my child support on dildos
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
