You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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