I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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