i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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