I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
