I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have already put on my inside pants.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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