i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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