I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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