bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
