my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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