I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
