How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
