Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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