pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize