It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize