dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
