Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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