Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
