Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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