after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
