You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
