I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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