shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
