I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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