look no pants
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
