At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
