That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
3 2 1 whiskey
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
