Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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