He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
