Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
