did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
