Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
