walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
