If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
