Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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