so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
