Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
