bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
