HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
