is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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