Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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