we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
