life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
