I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
