I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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