i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
