we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
