why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
