Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
