I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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