At least make sure they are 18
Why
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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